This is more about those bloody gnomes isn’t it?
Because, you know, reasons.FFS. So what next?
Well contrary to popular belief, the Invisible Collector Gnomes weren’t hated by everything on Tamriel. Dragons found them extremely useful. As dragons are just really pissed off unicorns with wings(1) that had a bad paper round and spit elements instead of spunking rainbows, they had the magical power to see the Invisible Collector Gnomes. As the Invisible Collector Gnomes were something new and a bit of a novelty, the dragons didn’t immediately barbecue them, but studied them, and it didn’t take them long to discover that amongst the usual tat that they usually collected, they also collected shinies. As dragons just can’t resist anything shiny or blingy, the dragons realised that in exchange for not razing the Invisible Collector Gnome settlement to the ground(2) they could tell them just to bring them any shinies they collected. Deals were done with all the dragons and the Invisible Collector Gnomes gave each dragon their own worker that would deal only with them, and an advantage was that the Invisible Collector Gnomes who worked for the dragons were able to get on friendly terms and the dragons would usually tip them off about things. A dragon and Invisible Collector Gnome that had such a relationship were Bert(3), and Googoo(4).
Shortly after the Invisible Collector Gnomes accidentally creating the TOE Ring, Bert had spotted Morris the Mage(5) collecting the ring, and on further investigation he learned that Morris had discovered the ring had more enchantments than it should have(6). Obviously, not wanting to be left out, Bert told Googoo that the Toe Jam had magical qualities and was able to enchant items, and that any shinies from now on would be made immensely more valuable if they added TOEs onto them. They didn’t have to have it, but there was a chance that the Invisible Collector Gnomes would discover the disadvantages of not having a fire department. Googoo ran back to his bosses to explain the situation.
The situation Googoo found on his return was chaos. The Invisible Collector Gnomes had been reading books in the College of Winterhold and had discovered that any chance of returning to home to their own dimension was an ancient spell that was somewhere in Skyrim, but they didn’t actually know where it was. Seeing as none of the mages had mentioned it in their diaries, all hope was lost. There was also the problem of what they were going to do for money. Part of the Acceptable Collection Terms was that the Invisible Collector Gnomes couldn’t actually directly benefit from anything they took(7), and with the exception of mammoth cheese bowls which they’d discovered how to make themselves(8), they had no real way of survival.
Googoo had an idea. Seeing as they knew how to do enchantments and the dragons said they were valuable, they could offer the dragons enchantments on every shiny delivered, and in return they’d act as investors for his new business startup called Invisible Enchanting Gnomes. Word was sent out and the dragons readily agreed.
Googoo made himself CEO and started delegating tasks and setting up divisions, the two most important being logistics which dealt with collection of resources (which was an innate ability) and delivery of the TOE shinies, and the enchantment division. As merely enchanting shinies for the dragons wasn’t actually bringing in any coin, Googoo realised that they needed to find customers for their TOE Technology line. The problem was dragons didn’t actually make good product ambassadors(9) so they needed someone like a hero.
The most popular hero was someone called the Dragonborn, who slayed dragons. The first thing Googoo did(10) was have a few items made up with TOE Technology applied to them, and get them dropped in Bleak Falls Barrow along with licensing agreements the Dragonborn couldn’t weasel out of, and they were also supplying someone that they assumed was related to the dragons in some way. All IEG had to do was wait for Skyrim to take notice.
And they did.
Especially the dragons, who didn’t take to kindly to the Invisible Enchanting gnomes doing business with someone who’s only relation to the dragons was the fact they could kill them…So what is it really?
Following on from the TOE Ring, I decided to add the enchantments to armour and weapons. The formula used is here, and at the moment there’s only the “budget” version which uses the base stats. The clothes only have enchantments on them that are fairly lore friendly, with the exception that they all have 100 carry weight. The weapons enchantments are broken down into the groupings on that page (damage, effects, etc), although there is a “complete” version that has all the enchantments.
Any enchantments that operate under conditions, like doing extra damage to a creature for instance, have had the conditions applied so they will still function as intended. There was one effect that was meant to be on the Briarheart Geis, which was a weapon cut from the game (there is a mod that puts it back in), that I’ve recreated complete with the conditions.
To stop power levelling enchanting and speechcraft (by selling the items), or using the enchants as a cash cow I’ve put the enchantment amount and price to 10% of what they would be usually. There are still items in there that will give decent XP and bring in a lot of gold, but I’ve tried to negate that.
I will be doing premier and ultimate editions with higher stats at some point.Are there any conflicts or known issues?
Not that I’m aware of. It may conflict with anything that messes around with Bleak Falls Barrow, especially the chest near the word wall, but it seems to be happy enough. If you install on both, on installation of the second you may be asked to overwrite a file called ieglogo.png. This is just an image used in the contract, and it’s safe to do.
It will play nicely with my original TOE Ring, but I recommend removing any items that have the enchant on, saving, uninstalling the TOE Ring, and then reloading the game and doing a “clean save” before installing this. It’s up to you, but it might help any issues that aren’t solved by a LOOT.So what are the footnotes?
1: Elasmotherium sibericum is believed to be where the legend of unicorns originated from, but the science is a lie!
2: The dragons were quite civil and used to fly over to say hello, but the gnomes didn’t speak Dovah and the dragons didn’t understand why they suddenly started begging for their lives. It seemed to have a positive effect on shiny supply though.
3: The dragons had ran out of cool sounding names like Mirmulnir and Sahrotaar, and had to use normal names.
4: Not many people realise that Invisible Collector Gnomes name the kids after the first sound they make that isn’t crying. Googoo is the equivalent of John Smith.
5: Morris also invented a horseless carriage named the Morris Minor, but due to the Dwemer having both a patent on the infernal combustion engine and a decent legal team, it never saw the light of day.
6: The Tamriel Organisation of Enchanting didn’t set limits on the number of enchantments that should be on an item, but in order to maintain a level playing field (and stop the playing field being absolutely decimated as well), they agreed on a limit of 2.
7: They’re not common thieves, and any appearance of them being so is down to a slanderous campaign by the Thieves Guild.
8: Collection of mammoth milk or the “salty mammoth cream” is currently a grey area and is due to be decided when a court get round to hearing Giants vs Invisible Collector Gnomes (Skyrim).
9: Mainly down to the flames and killing and stuff.
10: After getting the buildings of the settlement enchanted with 100% all resistances.
Original URL: https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/96275