Cornholio’s TP for Bunghole

From Skyrim Nexus Latest Files


So what’s this?

I am Cornholio!  I need TP for my bunghole!

What in the blazes?

You have TP?  TP for my bunghole?

Shall I just go and leave you to it?

*shakes self*  Sorry about that.  So, er, yeah, anyway let’s continue the saga of the Invisible Enchanting Gnomes…

I should have known…

ARE YOU THREATENING ME?!?

Wha?

Never mind.

The Invisible Enchanting Gnomes plans in Skyrim hadn’t quite gone the way they thought it would.  Meddling with things they didn’t fully understand, they’d pretty much managed to royally piss off almost everyone in Skyrim.

They’d broke a deal with Sithis, the giants had decided that they weren’t having any more of their cheese pilfering antics, the wizards were annoyed that the IEG had brought enchanting to the masses, dragons weren’t being paid their tax of shinies and SETAV were mounting a successful PR campaign against them.  To make matters worse people had discovered they could thwart the IEG by simply laying bear traps baited with mammoth cheese and… well you can probably imagine how that ended.  Things were looking dire with no ability to acquire gold or food, things were looking bleak.  Step in two slacker gnomes called Beavers and Buttface.

Back on Earth, Beavers and Buttface had been quite happy to while away the days watching old holotapes of music videos on TVM, but in Skyrim there was no such luxury.  In an attempt to stave of the boredom and bleakness of life in Skyrim they turned to drugs(1)!  Beavers and Buttface initially started raiding Your Royal Highness[/url], but the proprietor had already heard about the mammoth cheese near a bear trap trick, and while it didn’t kill Beavers it did leave him with quite a nasty head wound.  The result of this was a dramatic change in Beavers’ personaility and caused him to become rather peculiar.

Having had their supply of free drugs cut off, Beavers and Buttface decided that they could probably invent their own highs and might even be able to sell them.  Beavers had no problem trying all of the drugs they invented, but it was potassium trispyrazolylborate (which they incorrectly shortened to TP(2)) that had the most drastic effect.  It made Beavers turn spectral, really believe he was a person called Cornholio, and caused him to wander around asking people whether they had TP for his bunghole, were they threatening him, and all manner of weird things.  It also made him really hyper.  Following one particularly manic episode a few bars of iron and a bottle of TP ended up in a smelter.  When the IEG cleaners came in they noticed that the iron had turned into steel and took the potions to Googoo, the CEO of IEG.  Googoo was most interested and sent the potions to the R&D department to run a few experiments on and their results were interesting to say the least.

The TP had the ability turn metal ingots into much more valuable commodities, and when thrown into a forge with a gold coin and a gold bar it produced 500 gold.  Googoo immediately summoned Beavers and Buttface to his office, but due to them mistakenly believing they were in trouble they blamed it on “Cornholio” (3).  What they didn’t realise was they’d inadvertently managed to solve all the money worries of IEG, and had probably saved the IEG from starving.  Googoo sent out a memo to all the IEG to keep the recipe under lock and key, and started mass producing gold coins.  However there’s always one person gnome that doesn’t get the memo, and he promptly delivered this new recipe to the Dragonborn, as was standard with all their products.

As Googoo knew, there’s a very good reason you don’t make your own gold.  It destabilises the whole economy, and what the IEG hadn’t taken into account was that they were about to cause an economic catastrophe not just in Skyrim, but the whole of Tamriel, courtesy of this recipe becoming common knowledge.  The moment the various leaders had heard about it, they knew what had to be done…

So what is it really?

It’s basically a transmutation potion which you can throw in a smelter with a metal ingot and it will turn one ingot of metal into an ingot of higher value (iron > steel > dwarven metal > corundum > orichalcum > silver > quicklsilver > refined moonstone > gold > malachite > ebony) and if you throw it in a forge with a gold coin and a bar of gold it created 501 gold coins.  Or you can drink it and it will turn you ghostly for an hour (looks quite cool).

The name came from me using the shortcode of TP in the Creation Kit, which made me think of Beavis & Butthead, and the rest is self explanatory.  It’s also the penultimate(4) episode/mod in the Invisible Enchanting Gnome saga and is building up to something 😉 .

KK.  So how do I get it?

Just cook some salt at a cooking station and the job’s a good ‘un.

Conflicts?

Nope.  It’s just recipes and doesn’t do anything clever or move anything, so it shouldn’t conflict.  Just LOOT it to make sure.

Is this really the penultimate mod with the IEG?

Yep.  I had a plan when I brought the Invisible Collector/Enchanting Gnomes to Skyrim, and the story will be wrapped up with their next mod, which will be a lot more in depth and have more to it.

Thank the Divines!

I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.  Anyway footnotes…

1 – Remember kids, just say NO!

2 – Potassium trispyrazolylborate is actually abbreviated to KTp.  KTp is a white crystalline solid which is soluble in polar solvents, alcohols, and water. The synthesis of KTp involves potassium borohydride and pyrazole without a solvent.

3 – And in the process stopped them getting laid as well, as quite a few of the female IEGs would have been more than happy to have them in their bed.



Original URL: https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/97560

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