Oh dear, you’ve now turned your attention to Skyrim?
Yeah, for a bit.
OK, so what in the Divines’ is it?
Following the Invisible Collector Gnomes having too much time off following their improved working conditions(1), some of them started to dabble with things they didn’t understand. The end result was them being transported to the alternative dimension of Tamriel, specifically Skyrim. While they would have had a monopoly on the Invisible Collection business in Tamriel, it wasn’t meant to be as they were teleported to a point 30kms above a mountain and fell to their deaths at 100 m/s squared(2).
A short while later Sithis spotted these little guys in the Void, and when he realised they weren’t just annoying Reiklings he made them an offer. As the Dark Brotherhood were really crap at the time, he decided to give them a second chance at life on the basis that they took over the business of delivering people to the Void(3). The problem was, the Invisible Collector Gnomes weren’t really suited to the job of assassination, and their instinct to collect things was too strong so they reverted to form(4).
Being invisible and all, it made it a bit difficult for Sithis to spot them and bring them back to the Void, but when a few got squashed by a mammoth while trying to milk one to make a cheese bowl(5), he realised all he had to do was wait for nature to take it’s course. For a while, all was well, but soon residents of the void started complaining that their underwear(6) was disappearing, and following a quick audit if the Void, he found that the Invisible Collector Gnomes just couldn’t help themselves no matter where they were.
Realising he was stuck with them, he tried one last roll of the dice. He created an arrow called The Void Summons (DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!). This arrow was massively overpowered, and could pretty much one shot an opponent. He also made a recipe for them so they could make it themselves, and sent them back to Skyrim. The Invisible Collector Gnomes soon discovered that it was made for people of a more conventional size, the arrow was actually longer than they were tall, and that there was no way they could wield it let alone fire it from a bow. They just did the obvious and dumped the arrows and recipes, before buggering off again and making a mental note to keep away from mammoths
Why did I know there’d be Invisible Collector Gnomes?
Blame their campaign for being under represented in video games.
Do you want to be banned from the temple of Dibella?
OK. Have you ever wondered why an arrow to the knee stopped guards being an adventurer, but one in the eye/head/heart/genitals hardly scratches them? Well I got pissed off with this and created an arrow that does 5000 damage. I then made it craftable as well. It pretty much one shots anything in the game.
How do I get it?
It’s craftable with steel smithing, but the materials needed are a Deadra Heart, Ebony ingot and Void Salts. It’s done that way so they’re accessible almost from the start. There should also be 24 of them in the Torturer’s Satchel in the starting area. I’ll probably create a small quest for it linked to the Dark Brotherhood at some point at a later date.
There shouldn’t be, but I can’t guarantee it. Anything that alters the starting keep may cause a conflict, but hopefully not.
So what happened to the Magic Collector Gnomes in Skyrim?
To be continued…
I’m going to regret asking, aren’t I?
What are the numbers in brackets?
Ever read a Terry Pratchett novel? Rather than bog the page down in brackets, he used footnotes to explain stuff. I’ve copied his example 🙂
1 – See my Fallout 4 mods if you’re wondering what I’m on about, specifically the Magic Chest o’ Plenty.
2 – Don’t worry they didn’t suffer much due to falling unconscious because of apoxia, and didn’t even realise they’d hit a load of pointy rock and became Invisible Collector Gnome paste.
3 – Dark Brotherhood contracts weren’t being fulfilled which was really bad for Sithis, and said people who were the subject of contracts were getting a bit complacent seeing as there was more chance of Brexit deal being reached before them being sent to the Void.
4 – This had a knock on effect for the Thieves Guild – if ever you get chance ask Brynjolf about “the little robbing midget bastards you can’t see” who are really responsible for the downturn in their business.
5 – They discovered cheese bowls pretty early on and really liked it. It wouldn’t have been so bad if they’d been able to tell the difference between male and female mammoths…
6 – As much as Sithis was an unstoppable force, he still found naked genitalia distracting(7) and underwear was allowed.
7 – Have you ever seen the real genitalia of an Argonian? Let’s just say that Loverslab takes a great deal of artistic licence.
Original URL: https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/95883